Insecure, for who?

-
Insecurity is simply lack of self confidence and self compassion. And there is no single cause and it's different with everyone. But everyone at some point felt it but some people feel it more often than others. Some causes are past traumas, failure, rejection, negative belief about ones self...
And for me, my insecurity generated from not being able to accept change. change in my self, body, family. At this time and day where the TV and social media is our main source of communication, it's really hard to not compare our self with others and think we lack what they have or even envy them at times. So that is normal but the problem really starts when we constantly think about our selves as inferior than others and body insecurity like all insecurities starts at a young age and it sometimes last a lifetime to work it out. And I feel like most of us don't talk about it and the less we talk about it the harder it gets. But there is no better time than now So growing up I was a really thin kid, who was eats whatever. and people started to judge me on how I looked because in their eyes I was just a small, cheerful kid..after that I was never the same. I felt I wasn't worthy of love and friendship even happiness.  So after that I wanted to turn things around and get better mentally. And tried alot of things really and I will not be coming here saying it's easy and you just forget about it in a day or week just because you decided to. It's different healing with everybody. But in the end it all comes down to asking my self who I was insecure for. Because people that love me, my family and close friends don't care if I blow up or shrink down and the people that don't care about me don't have a say in my life and who I am one bit. You know I had this thought once that: when I'm talking to someone, I'm not talking to their appearance or the make up they put on. I'm really just talking to their thoughts, beliefs and seeing how their mind works. So that person isn't really in the out side because the out side changes like the weather. So the "me" is really within me and that is what I need to work on to change.

🌟 If anyone relates to this and want to share. You know where to find me
(Insta:- a.dev___ )

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

unsent letters of love

-
Image
There were letters I wrote you that I gave up sending, long before I stopped writing. I don't remember their contents but I can recall with absolute clarity, your name scrawled across the pages. I could never quite contain you to those messy sheets of black ink. I could not stop you from overtaking everything else. I wrote your name over and over–on scraps of paper, in books and on the back of my wrists. I carved it like sacred markings into trees and the tops of my thighs. Months went by and few scars have vanished but the sting has not left me. Sometimes when I read a, parts will lift from the pages in an anagram of your name. Like a code to remind me it's not over. Like dyslexia in reverse. Say something to me. Quieten this silence of yours. Fill these empty spaces with your words, no matter how insignificant you claim them to be. I once tasted too much of the universe that lingered on your lips, consumed more than I planned of those woven around your words, and from the mom
Read more

loosing myself in thoughts

-
I am so lost in my thoughts that i cant sleep, i cant feel my breathe, feels as if there is no way out and so i cry sometimes lying in my bed, just to get it all out what's in my head. i don't believe everything happens for a reason, i am taking it day by day not thinking much about tomorrow, the voices in my brain they are only friend i have got when things go wrong. “Self reliance” that's what i have ever known. Ten year old version of myself was called embarrassment, worthless, useless, I don't why i feel paranoid, why do i turn down head while i walk through door. I don't write much I keep things in my head. I am such a “okay with everything” and suffer in silence person. I actually feel few emotions like me, advanced and noob version of me, existential crisis, fuck it, everyone is shit, life goes on but WTF...
Read more

what are you supposed to do?

-
What are you supposed to do when you’re sitting alone and you can feel your heart break and your breath gets stuck in your throat and you just want to scream but you sit in silence waiting for the pain to pass? Are you supposed to get help? How can you call for help if you can’t breathe? Do I deserve this? Sometimes I like to think if I sit by myself and smile a little more I’ll be okay but I think in the end I’m just sitting alone waiting for darkness to just take me over..
Read more